If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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