This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
