just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
