Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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