I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
