I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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