I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
