I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
