Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
