Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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