Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize