Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
