kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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