my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
