I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
