help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
