A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
