brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
