You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
