Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
