It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
