i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
