dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
