Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
