U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize