She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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