is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
