I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
