I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
