so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Do vagina's smell?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
