How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
