God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
