now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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