She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Are we in a gay sports bar?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
