Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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