One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
