My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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