Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
