Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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