just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
