He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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