I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
