Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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