last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
