Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize