we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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