Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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