Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
