there's paper in my vomit.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
