I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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