This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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