I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize