this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
