he wants to bone in the snuggie
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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