What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
