What did we do last night that was yellow?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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