This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
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