his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Can I color on your dick again?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
