I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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