How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
