There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
