i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
