Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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