it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize