That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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