when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
