Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
