Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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