I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I know her cup size but not her name....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
