I'm so fucking centered right now
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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