I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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