Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
