I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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