I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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