I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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