i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
